So it looks like Janey is on her way out. Last night her last real ally, Howie, was evicted in a rather retarded move. Read all about it on the Big Brother website.
Damn, that girl is a bad ass tho. I’m gonna miss her. She could still pull out a few more weeks in the house, but her days are numbered.
…isn’t it hotter when NON porn chicks get a little porned up? Like Kari Byron, the smoking hot redhead from Mythbusters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sQ3SDX_ve0&search=Mythbusters
I am of the mind that there are basically three types of assholes in the world. There are your run of the mill selfish prick type assholes that are oblivious to their bad behavior; there are your truly evil types who are just products of bad parenting, bad genes or both; and then there are your purposeful assholes. I mean let’s face it, being an asshole can be fun sometimes and everybody does it.
I am absolutely the last brand of a-hole. I’m generally a nice guy. I have a great life, very little stress and I’ve been very lucky. I don’t have any reason to be an asshole. Until I get behind the wheel, that is. I know, I know you are thinking road rage, right?
Wrong. I have no road rage at all, quite the opposite, I drive very safely and usually obey speed limits, use blinkers, etc. Which is where the asshole behavior comes in; you see… I like to give OTHER people road rage. I simply delight in it. I discovered this pleasure rather innocently.
A few years ago I was driving along a two lane country road in a no passing zone and some ass clown in a giant truck (of course, right?) was zooming up on my bumper, weaving around and then slowing down only to do it again. It was annoying me but I kept an eye on him in the rear view and it seemed to be annoying him more. He had this apoplectic look on his face and his wife seemed to be screaming at him from the passenger seat. Suddenly I got an idea. I watched him in the mirror and when he turned to yell back at his wife I stepped on the brakes, while keeping my foot on the gas, so the brake lights went on, I slowed a bit but not too much. The guy turned back to the road, saw the brake lights and slammed on his own brakes! Which was great in itself, however, the cherry on top was the fact that his wife wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and when he slammed on the brakes, she flew out of her seat and piled into the windshield and dashboard.
I couldn’t stop laughing for days.
That was, perhaps the beginning of the end. Part of the problem is that I’m completely self employed and since I run a website, I really only work about 2 days a week. I mean it’s a hard 2 days, don’t get me wrong, but my momma always told me ‘work smarter, not harder’. Which I do.
Honestly, I have a lot of respect for people who work hard for a living, but in this day and age you’ll never get very far ahead swinging a hammer for somebody else. You can make a living using your back, but you’ll only make a million using your brain.
Anyway, so that gives me 5 days a week to ass about town in no particular hurry. People hate this. I never really imagined how annoying it is to other people when you do the exact speed limit in traffic.
In a sports car.
Okay, I confess I usually speed when I drive the fast car, but when I drive other things I tend to drive the exact speed limit which is maddeningly slowly for most people (try it some time), and I do it just to piss people off. Especially during rush hour. Hey, why rush? You know when you have to be there…leave early. I’ve developed a points system for my passive aggressive road rage infliction game:
And, my favorite:
The main rule in the game is that I, myself, am not allowed to break any traffic laws.
Just the other day I nailed a 10 in one drive when I made a chick drop her doughnut and jack on the brakes when I slowed for a yellow light and when I stopped she honked at me for the entire light. I hope she didn’t notice I was grinning like a five year old at a fart joke the entire time.
Joke O the D.
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black cocks, but the one in the middle had a pink cock. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on, explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
“In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”
“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the wife.
“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “In fact, there’s no African-Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.”
You know if there’s one thing I’ll never understand about America (despite being born here and living every year of my life in our great-ish nation) and Americans it’s our utter confusion over sexuality. Don’t even get me started on the whole Clinton-Monica hypocrisy (I mean really, as a guy who’s had over a thousand blowjobs I can honestly tell you fat girls do it best). Take the following story about Lance Armstrong:
http://www.nypost.com/gossip/pagesix/prowling_biker_pagesix_.htm
So they’re being gossipy because the guy can pull chicks now? Why is that a bad thing???
I have news for you, all the shit that normal guys do? 90% of it is to pull chicks. Do you think guys would work hard to get the cash to buy Benzes if girls put out for guys in Corollas? Yeah…not so much. Do you think guys would work out if beer bellies made girls swoon? Oh hell no. Do you think Lancer was riding that bike for little bald kiddies with cancer? Sure, about 10%; the other 90% was for hot, skanky Miami club chicks.