So I guess Sara’s marriage is over. While I’m sorry, it’s great news for her and I, I really think we could have something! People Magazine reports that part of the reason that she is divorcing is that her husband maintained a huge stash of porn and was constantly searching Craig’s List for anal sex.

Well this is tragic.

I mean how could some guy be so tragically blase about bangning a hottie like Sara Evans that he’d wanna do it in the butt? Anal sex is for ugly women.

I can say with complete conviction, Sara, that if you and I do manage to find each other in this crazy world I’ll always bang you face to face.

So, several of my European readers emailed to remind me that they are behind us when is comes to Lost so I should avoid spoilers.

To that I say FUCK EUROPE!!!

You dope smoking socialists can kiss my cowboy ass!!!

I kid. I kid. I’ll do my best but most of the audience is American so I gotta represent. Anyway this week’s episode was as cool as last week’s. Frankly, I thought the whole series would stall miserably when the main characters were captured by the Others at the end of last season. But I guess not. There were quite a few clues this week as to the genesis of the Others. Also this week’s backstory on Sun and Jin was pretty good… Internet wise if anybody here is a BIG Lost fan you’ve no doubt got LostPedia bookmarked. Turns out ABC is a wee bit jealous so on the main Lost site they’ve started a Lost Wiki. Which is so beneath contempt as to not even deserve linking.

…I’m not going to say which one just yet, but it’s pretty cool. It’s one of the few where women outnumber men, so I get a lot of messages.

I’m experimenting with a bit of Leykis 101 which involves being a bit of an asshole. I’m not normally an asshole, but I think anybody can put on any hat for a bit of dating fun. I think a lot of women like to pretend they aren’t gold diggers, for example. Anyway the following is a conversation I had with a plus sized suitor(-ess) from the site. My comments are in [brackets]. Enjoy.

jen wrote: Let’s chat some time

thomas3 wrote: Sure let’s chat. How?

jen wrote: I think you are cute check out my profile…its updated

thomas3 wrote: Well thanks, but I have to say you are probably a little too hefty for my taste. [she was pretty fat]
jen wrote: too bad, you dont know what you’re missing

thomas3 wrote: If you mean getting crushed by a whale in my sleep, or getting eaten out of house and home…I’ll pass.Well, no, though, fat girls do give great head, how would you say you rate?

jen wrote: better than you’ll ever have, too bad you’re an ass

thomas3 wrote: I’m not lamenting the loss. Tho I am well hung, my cock doesn’t reach [far away city].

jen wrote: And in a month, I won’t be in [far away city] either

thomas3 wrote: Is that a hint or a threat?

jen wrote: does it matter if its a hint? you’re not “lamenting over the loss”, so what does it matter where i eventually end up

thomas3 wrote: Well you’ve got a valid point, dear. However I had a thought, the last chick I nailed was a Hawiian Tropic model and, while extremely hot gave terrible head. So at the end of the day who cares how hot she is, if I want arm candy I’ll buy another Rolex. So who knows, maybe I should go with something different. By different I mean fatter.

jen71881 wrote: see, here’s my thing….looks fade. i would rather end up with someone that i can hold a decent[blah, blah, blah, ranting garbage]….ok. so what? so you’re not into “bigger girls”. good for you, most guys arent. i dont want to be with someone that feels like he is settling for me….i deserve much better than that. as far as your looks go…..trust me when i say, ive seen better.

thomas3 wrote: Ha! Baby I don’t need to be hot, I’m fucking rich. You think a chick gives a second look at my face when I hop out of my Ferrari at the valet stand? Hell no!

jen71881 wrote: so good for you. im not all about the guys with money. the only reason i checked out this website was b/c a friend told me about it. if you want to settle down with someone eventually b/c she loves your money, by all means, go right ahead

thomas3 wrote: Settle down? Bitch you must be crazy, there are way too many hotties that need their hearts broken. Why would I care if a chick loves my money, I love my money! I’m all about dough and if a hottie is too then we got something in common.

Of course if a fattie sucks my cock like I got Hagen Daaz flavored semen then we got something in common there too.

…or even manage a finish. What a horrible weekend for Ferrari. Read all about it here. This doesn’t take away from the fact that Michael Schumacher is the greatest sportsman of our era. But it would have been a nice cap to his career to win an 8th World Championship.