Yow. The Lambo Murceilago LP640 drop top. This car is actually sexier than a lot of chicks I know.

…I”m endorsing a product. Do you have an iPod or MP3 player? Yeah, of course you do. Do yourself a favor, grab those crappy headphone ear buds that came with it and toss them into the trash. NOW!! Okay now surf over to HeadRoom.com and buy some decent monitors. They have an awesome selection of cans. If you”ve never heard a really good set of headphones, and really, most people haven”t, do yourself a favor and get some. It”s a great listening experience. I have like 4 different pairs myself. I have the Bose for airplane travel, which are crappy as stand alone headphones but the noise cancelling cures a lot of sins. I have some expensive Sennheisers and some top level AKG“s I use all the time. I also have ear buds for biking or walking around when I don”t want to be bothered. Oh, wait, here”s where the endorsement comes in. Buy a pair of Shure headphones!!! I have a pair for my Nano:

But…horror of horrors!! Something happened. They broke. Well, one broke. Well, didn”t break but got all fuzzy. Maybe I broke “em. They weren”t giving me their normally crystal clear, stunning, muy excellente sound. I was pissed. Furious. Then I called up the kind folks at Headroom.com and asked them if I had any recourse at all. I had pretty much resigned myself to being the dumbass who”d killed a pair of $300 phones…but then. Then… Happy Day!!! They informed me of Shure”s most excellent warranty policy. I sent off my headphones and ala-kazam about 10 days later I had a BRAND NEW pair of phones:

Not a refurbished pair, but a BRAND SPANKIN” new pair of phones, in the original box, no hassles, no charge. Who does that these days? Really? Almost nobody. Except Shure. So buy Shure phones. You won”t regret it. They guarantee it!!

So, this is a bit of a long story, please bear with me. As it has a happy-ish ending and a public service message.

Recently, because I’m a big time porn celebrity, a highly coveted Playstation 3 found its way into my hands. I wasn’t sure what to do with it as I’m not really much of a gamer. I considered giving to someone on my website’s promotional team, maybe I’d give it away to one of the loyal readers of my blog (ah-hahahahahahahha – just kidding, sorry to tease you…or AM I???) or perhaps just keep it laying around the office for my loyal, talented and hardworking employees to waste valuable work hours with.

In the end I did the American thing – I put it up for sale on Ebay.

Before long I got a ‘Buy It Now’ bid which closed the auction. However, the bidder had zero feedback and had just registered to Ebay this week. Obviously a shill bidder or a scammer. After filing the required paperwork with Ebay I noticed something in my inbox – a note from the bidder. How odd, I thought. Here’s the email:

“Hello Thomas, I need to send a surprise gift to my Son who went on a course Overseas in 497 6634 3452 this it for you to ship out the item (Nigeria) and his birth is coming up this months and luckily i came across your item,as i see that your item is in good condition for that.I will be making the payment through Paypal.kindly send me your Paypal Account Email Address Or Your Invoice,So i can make out your payment immediately & Paypal will notify you of my payment as soon as it has been comfirmed by them & your paypal account will be credited as soon as possible..let me know how much it will cost you in shiping the item to my Son in NIGERIA Using the courier service Royalmail Or Parcelforce Global Express (EMS) & send me the total amount for the item including the shiping cost to Nigeria.So i can make out payment Immediately.I choose the Postal Service Is safe Cheaper & Affordable. Make sure you get the package ready for shipment, You can ship the item as soon as you recieve the paypal confirmation.Please mail me now Cause it`s urgently needed. awaiting your fast reply.”

Here’s the public service announcement: never send anything to Nigeria, if you do you are a dumbass. Nothing. Ever. Never, ever, ever to Nigeria. Even if somebody comes to your house with a Glad bag full of $100 bills, it’s a scam. Nigeria = Scam.

The more you know…cue music.

So just for fun I sent the “bidder” a PayPal invoice and in return I got a some-what realistic looking receipt. Of course a quick check of my PayPal account revealed no payment. So I sent the bidder the following email:

“Dear Nigerian Email scammer, I”m sorry — I”ve been pulling your chain all day on this. You have to be smoking whatever they smoke over there to think anyone will fall for this.

You need to try harder! Come up with a new scam! Take some initiative, history is made by the bold, my friend! This scam would work ten times better if it were original!!

I respect the fact that you are doing your best to hustle us dumb Americans, but this scam is old news.

Merry Christmas and good luck in your future email scamming endeavors!”

Much to my surprise I got the following a few hours later:

“Dear Thomas,

I really appreciate your mail. It really touches my heart. I don’t mind leaving this scam artist work, What leads me there was that my mum and dad divorced and they neither cater for my needs again, so i decided to do what people do overhere which is scam. I don’t want to be a scam artist, i want to go to school but no sponsorer. Please, if you should in any way be my friend and advice. I will really appreciate it. I await your Mail. Thanks”

So I asked for the scammer’s address and sent him off a $100 traveler’s check I had leftover from a recent trip.

Like my old Dad always told me – It’s never a bad policy to take care of people.

So who needs a Playstation 3?

And PS - Ordinary Pornstar blog is awesome.

So, as promised here is a selection of pics from my recent trip to the Playboy Mansion courtesy of my friends and aquaintences at Playboy.com.

Let me preface this discussion with a confession: there’s not really a whole lot of porn I like. Let me re-phrase; there is a whole lot of porn I do NOT like. Giant gaping asshole porn does nothing for me. MILF porn is pretty icky as these days MILF means some porn whore who is far past her sell by date getting nailed. 80’s glam porn is just silly. Porn where there is spitting in people’s mouths doesn’t raise my flag. Porn where the guy has a 19 inch cock doesn’t thrill me. Most fetishy stuff seems made up to me. Do people really get boners for balloon porn? Really? Balloons? I’ve gotta say the only time balloons give me wood is when it’s code for big natural titties.

You know what I do like? Handjob porn. LOVE it. Probably because I love the humble handjob so much. Hang on now…bear with me. If you aren’t a handjob lover give me a few paragraphs to try to convince you. With these qualifications:

a) under no circumstances do I believe that a really good blowjob is in any way better than the best handjob ever…even one by like a hand supermodel.

b) my buddies own www.manojob.com which is the best handjob site in existence [mano = hand in Spanish. Get it now? No, no it’s not MAN-o-job. It’s MANO-job. Yes, I’ve told them. No, they aren’t Mexican. Yes, they are married to the name.] I have no interest in the site whatsoever, personally, other than it being the best handjob site in the world. But if you go join right now and then email them and say I told you that it was the best site ever I think I can get a free beer out of it.

So. The glorious handjob.

I don’t really need to sing the praises of the blowjob, it’s a great thing. I’ll tell you though, the first guy who thought of sticking his cock in a chick’s mouth instead of the punani? Smart motherfucker. Probably like Einstein smart. I would say Stephen Hawking smart, but what’s that guy ever stuck his cock in? But what about the handjob, who ever thought of getting a chick to do something you can do yourself? I argue that this is genius as well! But have you ever really thought of the pros of the handjob? First and foremost, no teeth! By far the biggest mistake a chick makes when giving you substandard head is too much in the

tooth department. You would think that this would be a no brainer — no teeth on the cock, but it’s often a big issue. But with a handie it’s not even possible. Actually, having your lady’s mouth free is great for other reasons. Most importantly — attitude. See I have always thought part of the reason that chicks hate blowing you is because they can’t talk. I hate to sound like a douche here, but chicks like to talk, right? Seriously, they love talking the way I love handjobs – only more. The problem is, they can’t really bust out a monologue when you are face fucking them…er face making LOVE to them. So…QED — they are less than enthusiastic about the BJ. I usually just tell a chick, “Hey that’s why they call it a blowJOB and not a blowHOBBY - it’s work.” but this doesn’t often end with me getting a satisfactory BJ.

A handjob is great, however. She can run her mouth the whole time and all you have to do is nod and concentrate on the way her tits bounce as she jerks you.

Another advantage is that you can usually jizz all over a chick when she’s jerking you off. C’mon, in anybody’s book this is freakin’ awesome. If a chick is jerking you off you can usually aim it so she knows what’s coming. Anyway it’s a great excuse to splash your lady in some semen.

Also, any chick can pull it off. There are some women who are just terrible at giving head. They just can’t get the rhythm or pressure right to make you unload. But a handjob? She just tugs. It’s elegant in its simplicity, it’s primal. You tug the tiger and it happens.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about and think I’m a freaking loon I can tell you one thing, compadre. YOU have never had a really great handjob. I feel bad for you. I feel like I’m describing a Latife Rothschild to a guy who thinks that as long as it has a cork it’s good wine. WRONG my friend WRONG. If you have never busted a nut so hard that your cock felt like the barrel of a shotgun – you my friend have never had a decent handjob.

Additionally, the best thing about it is that most chicks don’t even consider it full sex so you can probably get a very solid handie on a first or second date. What could be more romantic than laying back and letting a strange girl jerk you off? If you’re smart and you can get her to the point that she’s really into it and then you fuck her…it’s like stealing home in a play off game.

Last but not least? You can get a handjob in the bus station for $5 and not risk herpes. And maybe that’s the best reason of all.