It’s always cool to see an exotic car in the wild. Today while running some errands I noticed just ahead of me was a stunning, pearl white Lamborghini Murceilago LP 640. It looked a little odd and I soon figured out why, the scoops were closed, which seemed weird, until I glanced at the speedo - 60 MPH.

Who drives a damn Lambo 60 mph? Let alone on the freeway. I glanced inside and saw a guy animatedly talking to a female passenger. I was going to roll down my window and shout to the guy that the panty removing effects of Italian sports cars don’t kick in until over 85 mph…but he’ll figure it out sooner or later.

As you may have noticed, there is very, very little advertising on OP these days. The fact is the site is basically a labour of love. At some point I may go back to traffic magnet, banner farm but for now it’s just an outlet and an excuse to be clever (debatable…maybe) on a daily basis.

So, I’m doing this for you, dear readers. I want to give some shout outs to my loyal readers and if you don’t know how I know where you are, welcome to the creepy world of geo-ip based server stats. So…I’ve restricted it to the top ten major cities only…so as not to give too much away, if you want to let me know you are in the house, post a comment:

• To the half dozen or so fans in Witchita, Kansas — Hi y’all.
• You tech nerds in Mountain View, California — what up???
• I’m freaking HUGE in Ohio with readers checking in from Cleveland, Cincy AND Dayton — hi ladies! (and your many neighbours!)
• Hi Delaware, all five of you!
• Bonjourno to the guys in Verona, Italia!!! Forza Ferrari!
• I’ve got a bunch of you checking in from Pennsylvania as well, hiya!
• As-Salamu Alaykum to the guys in Dubai. Unless you are servicemen, then Hu-ah.
• Yee-hah to my readers in and around Houston.
• ¿Qué tal? to the crew in Mexico City.
• And a hearty Zeig Heil to zee Germans.
• By all means a heartfelt Eh! To the Canadian contingent.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Really. Feel free to drop me an email. I read and answer all of them.

So, it looks like I’ve gone and pissed off the internet virgins.

Great.

Of all the groups you don’t want to piss off, trust me the internet virgins are at the top of the list. After all they’re obviously not out getting laid or even TRYING to get laid which, for me, takes up like 65% of the time that I might otherwise spend blogging, so…advantage virgins. Honestly, I haven’t pissed off this many virgins since high school when I was refining my A-Rod-like slide into third base, if you know what I mean.

And…well this entry ain’t gonna help my cause.

You can see here how some of this started on The Feminist Virgin, who labeled me a ‘virgin hater’ for my cynical and mean characterization of Jane Mag’s fake internet virgin, HERE in my continuing series known as ‘What the fuck is wrong with…’

First off — my dear internet virgins, you are more than welcome to your virginity. Enjoy it, embrace it. Why get all offended at my opinion? I’m just one guy. A lot of guys think like me. A lot of people think like you. It’s a big world…Fords, Chevys. Crunchy, smooth. Star Trek, Star Wars. Coke, Pepsi. Simpsons, Family Guy. Mayo, Miracle Whip.

Second off — this is my blog and I say y’all are crazy motherfuckers for living your life and crafting your identity around a temporary state of being. The 23 year old virgin writes,

“Actually, the over-20 virgins that I know happen to be some of the sanest, most down-to-earth women I know. I have no scientific basis for this, but I’d bet that the percentage of non-virgins as compared to virgins that are psycho women that you would never want to be involved with is about the same.”

the first part of this? Spend 5 minutes reading this chick’s blog and you see who’s right here, this chick is about as nutty as Professor Klump. The second part of this is basically true, though. Most women are pretty fucking crazy. HOWEVER, if you put up with their craziness they let you tap that ass, so cost/benefit wise, it’s a go.

Third off — all the non-virgins who posted waited a long time to lose it and then married the person they lost it to. Uh…debating with these people is like debating creation versus evolution. If you ask me this is like waiting to eat until you can get a table at a 3 star restaurant. I dunno about y’all but I get hungry on a daily basis.

Fourth off — One of the chicks who broke my balls on the virgin’s site writes her own blog: Marlea’s Mind.

Dude, you gotta check this broad out. THIS is a prime example of how nutty virgins are. So, no she’s not technically a virgin. At the budding age of 29 she finally gave up the pink. The tale of her de-flowering is a lovely read. And I highly recommend it as an example of why you shouldn’t date chicks you can’t nail after a few dates…the best part is her description of the act itself:

“Was it great? No, it was nothing special at all. Being my first time, there was a bit of discomfort, and he came in about 2 minutes. This was definitely not mind-blowing sex for me…”

So yes, she’s a 29 year old virgin and she has an attitude. The sub-point here is that she waited 29 years for 2 minutes of mediocre pumping. The major point is that if you read back, she teases the guy for 7 days straight and is disappointed that he blows in 2 minutes.

Ladies - virgins and non virgins alike, let me give you a bit of advice on the hydraulics of the cock: the longer you prime the pump the more you’re going to get and the faster you’re going to get it. 7 days? Shit, if a girl teases me for 7 hours she’ll surely get more than 2 minutes out of it but it’s also getting delivered at supersonic speed. After 7 days I’m surprised this guy didn’t blow her cervix out.

Fifth off — The fuckin’ Shield is on, I’m OUT.

PS - Any virgins reading? Send me a nice note and I’ll happily de-virginize you. Seriously, at my expense. The whole package — a suite at a lovely resort, champagne, low lights, something romantic on the stereo like…Too Short. And I promise it’ll take longer than 2 minutes and there will be plenty of lube. All this I offer you. And seriously, this really is a favor I’m offering cos a) I probably won’t enjoy it and b) if you were super hot you’d have been date raped by now so…see point a.

God I hope so. 28 Days Later was probably one of the most stunning movies of its type. Danny Boyle took on the zombie genre and flipped it on its head.

Fox decided to sequelize it as 28 WEEKS Later. None of the original cast and crew are on board so that’s likely a bad sign but…a zombie movie is a zombie movie.

It’ll either be awesome or crap. Knowing Hollywood…ugh.

I hate to brag about the shit I buy because it’s tasteless. BUT…I work in porn. If the worst of my sins is being new money, well that’s not too bad. This all started when I was sitting in front of my massively expensive workstation the other day (thanks Paul!) with my ass parked in my luxurious Aeron chair (thanks Herman!), listening to my over priced cd player (thanks Mark!) and I noticed something. My pants (thanks Nordstrom!) were a little tight.

And not from a content induced boner, either. Yikes! Alas, your humble narrator is getting fat.

So I finally pulled the trigger on a decision I’ve been toying with for a while. I bought a bike. A very, very fancy bike. The lovely lady of which I speak is none other than the Specialized Tricross. Yep, lookit ‘er. All carbon fiber-ey and multi-task-ity. How could I not fall for a beauty like that?

For those of you not into bikes — yes, that’s really how much it cost (see above link). Plus tax. Plus accessories. Plus spares. This particular beauty cost a weencie bit more than my first car. And my second.

Combined.

Anyway, I think if I blog about it and then commute to Starbucks to get caffeine for working I can get a tax write off. Any IRS agents or CPA’s reading?

If you haven’t seen an upper end bike lately here are a couple of pics:

This is a carbon fiber fork with an internal headset bearing and cyclocross style cantilever brakes.

This is also the carbon fiber fork with a monster cold forged aluminum hub and a radially laced front wheel.

This is a hollow armed crank with an external bottom bracket bearing.

This is a carbon fiber rear triangle with a monster cold forged hub that is radially laced on one side and two cross on the drive side.

The reasons I chose this particular ride over say a full boat road bike or a more tried and true cross bike are several. I can imagine some Specialized employee customizing his own bike to the exact spec this sweet baby ships with because its set up is not very mainstream but it does what it does elegantly. While it’s slacker than a road bike, and thus more like a ‘cross bike, it’s geared as high as a road bike with a triple. So it splits the difference. The geometry is such that it feels relaxed on the road, not as snappy as a road bike, not as lazy as a mountian bike. It’s comfy on the road, but when you get up and honk there’s not a mm of flex. The fork and rear are carbon so they are stiff under load yet they take the edge off road feedback. And it runs big fat ass 32 C tyres! On fire roads and smooth single track…no; really!

You can ride it on trails. Yes, actual trails!

This is what blew me away on one of my first rides. I had headed to some fire roads and as I was descending I was thinking to myself, “Holy shit! I’m going 25 mph on dirt! On a road bike!” And it wasn’t very harsh at all.

The only criticism I have is that this thing doesn’t have a disc brake option as the Avids it ships with are shit. Maybe I just need to find better pads. Anyway, it’s late…but never too late to ride!! I’m going to go for a spin.