Okay, no I didn’t take any pics. Sue me in federal court. BUT…some people DID take pics.

Here and HERE (lots o’ naked dodgeball pics).

No, really naked dodgeball. Yes I’m lucky. I know it.

So…I thought I might give you a glimpse into my world. I mean that’s basically what the blog is fo’ right?

Dateline Porn Convention, day 2. I’m sitting at a table in the semi-posh bar of a semi-posh hotel with Billy Watson of ishootporn.com. A stunning blonde is serving us drinks. Since it’s a porn convention nobody pays. It’s all comped.

Aside — Porn conventions are great. Everybody is a VIP. Except the VVIP’s but you’ll never see these guys. They fly in on private porn jets, stay at the fully-posh hotels with their super blonde, super bouncy trophy girlfriends and 2 pound super bling watches and depart the same way. You might catch one of their Bentleys or Rollers wafting by. BUT, being a regular VIP is great. You don’t pay for anything. The food? Free. Snacks? Free. Drinks? Free. Cover charges? Free. Lap dances? Free. Booger sugar? Free. Not my cuppa snow, but free.

My daddy always told me — ‘Money won is twice as sweet as money earned’. I’ll go the old bastard one further, a Red Bull and Grey Goose comped is twice as strong as a Red Bull and Grey Goose bought.

So where was I? Oh, at a table with Billy AND an unnamed VVIP. Oddly he had somehow lost his way in the halls of power and found his way down among the groundlings. MAYBE he was kicked out of the club. MAYBE he never cared to be in it. No matter, he was here with us. And he had something to tell me. He leaned in close, so close I could smell his hangover and he pointed across the patio at a pornstar and says in a serious, conspiratorial tone,

“THAT bitch was born a man.”

THAT bitch was a well known pornstar. That BITCH was none other than Jena Kay Ricci. Seriously, she’s a pretty well known pornstar. Check her out on Aziani.com. This unnamed VVIP’s contention was that not only Jena, but many other female porn stars are POST OP TRANNIES!!!!!!

Now to be truthful this guy…I don’t know this guy. Is he nuts? Is he super perceptive? Sometimes people tell you wacky things and that’s just their thing - they say wacky shit. For example earlier in the day this guy and I had been chatting about entertaining and I was saying that my place wasn’t quite big enough for a full-on porn industry style house party. And he thinks for a second and says, “Oh hey! I have a castle you can use!” Like in the same tone of voice someone says, “I have jumper cables you can use!” the thing is, though…this guy really has a castle.

So…who knows right?

He leans back in and says, “Check this out, every year in the U.S. there are 30,000 male to female sexual reassignment surgeries. What do you think those bitches are doing now? Working at 7-11?? Hell no! They work in porn dude! Open your eyes!”

And you know what? Jena is kinda mannish. She has big, fake boobies. She has a rather non-feminine face. She has a weird vag. Damn. Now I can never jerk off to fake titty porn again…

…you know, just to be on the safe side.

Hey, y’all. I’m back from the March Porn Convention. And…I really didn’t take any pictures. Again. I just can’t bring myself to play tourist. I know you guys want to see. if I weren’t there I would want to see but…taking pictures is work.

Take a look HERE. Yes that is five, FIVE people whipping out the cameras to take pictures of drunk camgirls making out. Do you think that I, your humble narrator, will somehow get the BEST SHOT?

I’ll see if I can find you a couple of directories of the good stuff. But don’t tell nobody. It’s all insider porno stuff, so…keep it on the DL.