Can anyone explain? WTF?

Look, it’s kind of a low blow to make fun of what a guy is packing in the pants. The fact is you are stuck with what you’ve got, so make the most of it…and let me preface this by saying that I’m perfectly average in the pants and perfectly happy with my trouser snake. But some guys, well…

Like this guy: Hot Husband [link removed by ashamed blogger…]. He runs a sex blog with his lovely wife…Hot Wife. It’s a pretty graphic blog with several videos of Hot Husband [link removed by ashamed blogger…] giving it to his missus.

Giving what? Well giving her the World’s Smallest Weiner [link removed by ashamed blogger…]. Seriously click over. Check it out. Am I lying? This guy posted a jack off video and he’s only using his fingertips. That’s a tiny pepe.

I’ve been with women and they are very complimentary about my equipment and I always figured that they were just giving me a confidence boost…but after seeing this guy I can imagine a chick sleeping with a guy like this and then coming up on me. Much like I look like a giant standing next to a midget…next to Hot Husband [link removed by ashamed blogger…] I look like John Holmes…so…thanks World’s Smallest Weiner!!

First of all, here’s Jane Mag’s bullshit, fake ass 30 Year Old Virgin.

Here’s a REAL 30 year old virgin. Notice the weirdness? The soul searching? This is a real virgin, the chick on Jane just ripped her off and made herself shiny and happy.

So go check out some of the guys that the Jane Mag chick has refused to unlock the poon for in her gallery.

I think the problem is, she just hasn’t met the right guy, so I’ve made my own profile, please feel free to shoot Sarah an email telling her to surf on over and check me out.

Name: Thomas

Age: 27

Sign: Aquarius

Height: 5′10″

Job: Porn mogul and marketing genius. Part time blogger (just like Sarah, see we’re hitting it off here, babe.)

Salary: Six figures. Hopefully seven sooner rather than later.

Location: The Wild West

How old were you for your first time? 18.

I’ve been told I’m _________ in bed. Like a man with a baby elephant trunk grafted on.

If you could do it all over again with Sarah, what would you do differently? I wouldn’t call her a crazy lying blog-whore.

Why are you worthy of a chance to take Sarah’s flower? Because I have a cock and I’m assuming it’ll fit in her vag.

What would you do to put Sarah at ease for her first time? Half a roofie crushed into a tequila shooter and a short lecture on how spit is Mother Nature’s lube should do it.

Look, first off, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE women. Love them. They are great…they have the titties.

But there are some chicks who annoy me. Mainly these are the ones who are kind of uptight about sex and think that any access to the pussy at all is cause for a guy to rejoice.

So look, confession time — I like it when chicks swallow.

It’s really part of the blowjob. Well it’s not so much the actual swallowing, which is great, but basically you have to cum in a girl’s mouth for it to be a blowjob, if you don’t it’s just foreplay.

Plus swallowing makes the blowjob portable…think movie theatre, guys!! Anyway I was browsing the search engines to see how my sites are doing and I noticed a page called “100 Cum Swallowing Tips” which I perused (every little bit helps when you are trying to sell it to a girl who refuses!) until something caught my eye!

Check out tip number 5: “5. The most obvious thing to do is use a condom. It may not be as pleasurable to your partner than it would be without it, but hey, it is better than nothing, right? I mean, you should not have to suffer. There are also flavored condoms for your pleasure. - Neva, New York”

Who is this whore???

Hi, Neva, from New York? You…you’re a crazy bitch ain’tcha?

Really, guys, it is better than nothing?? [yes that was a resounding “No!” you heard from the other readers as well.] If you think a blowjob with a condom is better than nothing than I feel incredibly sorry for you. Send me an email, I’m going to fly you out here and I’m going to get you a real, actual blowjob. No, it really isn’t better than nothing.

I’d rather beat off and watch Lost on DVD than get a BJ with a condom on. This is coming from a chick who must literally know nothing about sex. If a girl offered to blow me with a condom on, I’d be like, “Uh, no. Get out.” or first I might offer to eat her out with a wet suit between her legs.

Ladies, quick tip. It’s not called a blowjob because you blow on the cock. It’s called a blowjob because, when done properly it BLOWS your partner’s mind.

Recently one of my buddies passed on this to me: Jane Magazine’s 30 year old virgin. Good god, who thinks up this rotten tripe?

It’s a blog by some chick who is looking for a guy to lose her virginity to. Read through it a bit and you’ll discover she’s super picky and has been dating for over a year and still hasn”t given up the pink to some “lucky” fellow. Oh please!

Okay, look, if you are 16 being a virgin is fine. If you are 18, it’s okay. If you are a 20 year old virgin, you are in troubled waters. Most all if you are a fucking WOMAN. Look if you”re a guy you have to talk you way into some broad’s panties. That can take some time. But if you ARE a chick? Ladies…all you have to do is say “Yes.” In fact you don’t even have to say it, just DON’T say “No.”

This Jane chick is one of those bitches who somehow thinks she’s got the magic pussy and beer flavored nipples. When a chick who is over 20 tells me she’s a virgin, my first thought is that she’s fucking insane. Like she thinks that if she gives up her virginity she’ll never be able to ride a unicorn or something. My second thought is that if it’s taken her this long to give up the poon a) she’s going to be terrible in bed; b) she’s not giving it up to me because I don’t try that hard; c) not only will she NOT give decent head, she probably won’t give head AT ALL and if by some magic she DOES, she’s not going to swallow.

Which probably won’t be an issue because no virgin can give a good enough blowjob to make a guy come anyway.

So who is THIS bitch? Well a little digging reveals the following MySpace profile for “Sarah”. But it”s a little bare which leaves me a little dubious about the whole thing. It all seems too romantic comedy chick flick to be true.

What chick in NYC can’t find a decent guy to fuck her? Well that’s easy - a crazy one. A word of advice to any guys reading the blog — if a chick ever tells you she’s a virgin and doesn’t follow it up with “But I want you to fix that problem for me.” Just leave. Get up and leave. Unless you are at your place, then boot her ass out the door.