Last night I stood in an absurd line to check out the new film 300 in the biggest, loudest theatre in the state. My review?

Go see this f-ing movie. NOW. Not tomorrow, now!

That’s all. Also, disregard all these snooty douchebag reviewers who handed out negative reviews. If you feel the need, click over to Movies.com and check out a couple of the weirdly mixed reviews, but you really shouldn’t bother. Not one of them captures the essence of the film in any way. One thing to recall is that a majority of movie reviewers are merely reporters who got assigned to the film beat. They aren’t film FANS and the ones that might be…well take a look at some of their past reviews to see what they have to say. For example Rolling Stone gave 300 a crap review. A little bit of research reveals that their critic is this fellow named Peter Travers. Who, incidentally used to be the film critic for the hard hitting journal People Magazine …heh.

A quick Google search reveals his past top ten lists from each year and it basically reads like the top ten lists of the Jump on the Bandwagon Film Squad. Plus every year whatever homo movie came out seems to be in the number 2 spot. Some classics? He lists Titanic as the best movie of 1997, and whatever Woody Allen craps out ALWAYS makes the top ten.

1999 is the key year I would use call his taste worthless — he ignored Fight Club but put American Beauty at the top of his list. Anybody who liked American Beauty was too much of a pussy to have seen Happiness the year before. American Beauty was just a shiny, happy rip-off version of Happiness. This is a guy who didn’t even rate David Fincher’s best movies like Se7en and Fight Club but called Zodiac (his WORST film) his best.

So fuck the critics and go see 300. If you really don’t like it, you are probably a Brokeback Mountain loving fag BUT send me your ticket stub and I’ll take care of it for you. Now what critic ever makes THAT offer??