First of all, here’s Jane Mag’s bullshit, fake ass 30 Year Old Virgin.

Here’s a REAL 30 year old virgin. Notice the weirdness? The soul searching? This is a real virgin, the chick on Jane just ripped her off and made herself shiny and happy.

So go check out some of the guys that the Jane Mag chick has refused to unlock the poon for in her gallery.

I think the problem is, she just hasn’t met the right guy, so I’ve made my own profile, please feel free to shoot Sarah an email telling her to surf on over and check me out.

Name: Thomas

Age: 27

Sign: Aquarius

Height: 5′10″

Job: Porn mogul and marketing genius. Part time blogger (just like Sarah, see we’re hitting it off here, babe.)

Salary: Six figures. Hopefully seven sooner rather than later.

Location: The Wild West

How old were you for your first time? 18.

I’ve been told I’m _________ in bed. Like a man with a baby elephant trunk grafted on.

If you could do it all over again with Sarah, what would you do differently? I wouldn’t call her a crazy lying blog-whore.

Why are you worthy of a chance to take Sarah’s flower? Because I have a cock and I’m assuming it’ll fit in her vag.

What would you do to put Sarah at ease for her first time? Half a roofie crushed into a tequila shooter and a short lecture on how spit is Mother Nature’s lube should do it.