The Player’s Guide to Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day can present a problem to a player.
Worry, not guys, I’m here to give you some pointers.
1. Unless you are planning on getting in deep, never take a chick out on Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it. Yes you may get a choice piece of ass tonite, but it’s not worth it. You are sending a big message — you are telling her that when you think of romance, you are thinking of her. Bad idea. Instead, there are two ways you can go: a) come up with a reason you can’t go out or b) tell all of your ladies that you are going out with another chick. My favorites in the category of a) are to tell chicks that my Ma has had a tough year and I’ve decided to take her to a nice dinner OR that I’m babysitting my sister’s kids so SHE can go out. So…I look like a hero AND I don’t have to pick any particular chick.
2. So what do you do for your ho train? FedEx a gift over. This is your chance to shine. A nice gift doesn’t say “You are my special someone.” It says…I intend to collect some of that ass later, baby. And…you don’t really need to spend that much cabbage on a gift. The key is….PACKAGING. Seriously. A lot of guys don’t understand this. If you gave a chick a platinum tennis bracelet in a paper sack OR a bag of dog crap in an elaborate gift box, stuffed with tissue paper, wrapped in a shiny ribbon, with a big bow on top…she’d really have the same reaction.
No shit.
You’re going to have to plan ahead, here, though, and use some logistics skills. First you’ll need to make a list of all the chicks you want to take care of on VD. Don’t skimp, guys! This will pay dividends in a few weeks when you’re home, bored, and have a boner you need to stick somewhere. There’s good news, though. If you do this correctly you can buy in bulk.
No, seriously. Buy some tasteful cards in a ten pack, then go to some place like Cookies From Home or Brownies.com and call in for a corporate rate. Now you have to buy 25, and if your potential booty list isn’t 25 chicks long…freeze that shit, GUYS!!!
Get this crap back to your HQ, pack it up and swing by the post office and drop these in the mail on Feb 11th.
3. Send out a gang of text messages on the 14th and you’re a great golden god. Collect those booty calls well into April.
Enjoy, guys. I’m here for you.
7 Comments to “The Player’s Guide to Valentine’s Day.”
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On February 16th, 2007 at 10:40 am
VD day - that’s a worry in itself!
Did all that - still caught shit- beware the drunken phone call from the chick who thinks she has been stood up!
PS
The chicks on AA get paid to blow- hence the term “blow-job” and why other chicks think its a task, a chore, a job! not a labour of lurve!
On February 16th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Dude, you just gotta be upfront with it. I do my best to pre-qualify every woman I date.
I have never even made it to dessert on a dinner date without knowing that my dong would be in her cheek sooner rather than later.
Use the tech man, before you go on a date these days you can easily log in a few hours of IM during which you can qualify a lady’s oral skillz.
Also use that caller ID, bro! What do you think it’s for?
On February 16th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Interesting post valentines day scenario to explain to you guys. I’ve been seeing this girl that’s bi-sexual and I try to take advantage of that as often as possible and line up a threesome.. seldom is it an easy task no matter how willing the participants… there’s just too much that can go wrong.
Her birthday is the day after valentines day and I’ve been playing with a few different methods on how to deal with the 1-2 punch.. so I gave her nothing for valentines day, not a card not a kiss nothing… she thought “fuck what did I do wrong”. I played it off as no big deal, so last night (her birthday) we went out for $2 martinis with a younger and just as cute co-worker of hers knowing the girlfriend was going to be eager to please me cause she thought we were on the rocks.
The three of us were making out in no time… once we had racked up $80 in martinis I drove us back to the 2nd girls apartment (notice its not my place) and got lucky x 2
I don’t think playing the asshole card is the right approach but you always have to keep the upper hand, like capital said you don’t get a “blow-job” from most chicks but that’s just because they think they have nothing to prove. If you make them work whether its for money or your attention as long as they feel they need to earn something then you will forevor have this kind of success.
On February 16th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
THAT’s what I’m talking about. Steve, email me your address, your Player’s Card is on its way!
On February 17th, 2007 at 4:49 am
Steve -$2 a martini-$80 on drinks that’s 40 martinis between 3 of you???
thats a bottle of vodka each!
and you drove and took care of 2 chicks??
On February 17th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Well now you figure a $10 tip for the bartender, plus on drink special night they mix them kinda weak, that’s only 10 or so martinis per person.
LOL.
I figured he transposed the numbers…like a newscaster here who recently announced a freeway widening of 24 lanes in each direction.
Really? 24 lanes? Not maybe…2 TO 4 lanes in each direction?
On February 18th, 2007 at 3:23 am
You’re concentrating on the wrong details my man.
Anyways, I cannot fuck drunk it renders me impotent lol so there wouldn’t be a story to tell if I drank a bottle of vodka maybe the story about when I had two girls hot and ready but couldn’t get my dick hard!
But lets not get off topic too much here, I’m just helping Thomas spread the good.