What The Fuck is Wrong With Virgins?
Recently one of my buddies passed on this to me: Jane Magazine’s 30 year old virgin. Good god, who thinks up this rotten tripe?
It’s a blog by some chick who is looking for a guy to lose her virginity to. Read through it a bit and you’ll discover she’s super picky and has been dating for over a year and still hasn”t given up the pink to some “lucky” fellow. Oh please!
Okay, look, if you are 16 being a virgin is fine. If you are 18, it’s okay. If you are a 20 year old virgin, you are in troubled waters. Most all if you are a fucking WOMAN. Look if you”re a guy you have to talk you way into some broad’s panties. That can take some time. But if you ARE a chick? Ladies…all you have to do is say “Yes.” In fact you don’t even have to say it, just DON’T say “No.”
This Jane chick is one of those bitches who somehow thinks she’s got the magic pussy and beer flavored nipples. When a chick who is over 20 tells me she’s a virgin, my first thought is that she’s fucking insane. Like she thinks that if she gives up her virginity she’ll never be able to ride a unicorn or something. My second thought is that if it’s taken her this long to give up the poon a) she’s going to be terrible in bed; b) she’s not giving it up to me because I don’t try that hard; c) not only will she NOT give decent head, she probably won’t give head AT ALL and if by some magic she DOES, she’s not going to swallow.
Which probably won’t be an issue because no virgin can give a good enough blowjob to make a guy come anyway.
So who is THIS bitch? Well a little digging reveals the following MySpace profile for “Sarah”. But it”s a little bare which leaves me a little dubious about the whole thing. It all seems too romantic comedy chick flick to be true.
What chick in NYC can’t find a decent guy to fuck her? Well that’s easy - a crazy one. A word of advice to any guys reading the blog — if a chick ever tells you she’s a virgin and doesn’t follow it up with “But I want you to fix that problem for me.” Just leave. Get up and leave. Unless you are at your place, then boot her ass out the door.
2 Comments to “What The Fuck is Wrong With Virgins?”
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On January 2nd, 2007 at 6:09 pm
From her myspace page
“That is, I’d see if I would meet a man who I might actually have a connection with and thus want to consummate our union.”
#1 turn off, the word union
#2 turn off, the word consummate
No man in his right mind or otherwise would spend more than 1 minute in the presence of this woman and want anything more to do with her.
Maybe rosie odonnell will take your virginity away with a 12″ strap-on if you could be so lucky…
On January 2nd, 2007 at 6:42 pm
I hear you, brother, and AMEN.
Seriously, it’s just fucking. Cavemen and cavewomen fucked. We fuck, hasn’t changed much. When she finally finds some goof off who will put up with her long enough to get her to put out, well 3 minutes after the bloodiest ride of her life, she’ll be thinking “Damn I waited 15 years for THIS!?!”